Squirrels. There is nothing more Bethel-esque than squirrels. Squirrels are one of the first things that come to mind when people think about Bethel. Squirrels grace a good presence on Bethel’s campus. These furry critters like frolicing through the grass, eating acorns, being chased by Bethel students, not to mention they taste pretty good too (just kidding—they hate it when Bethel students chase them).
Since squirrels are quintessential to the Bethel culture, and since Bethel students like them so much, I thought it’d be fitting to write a poem about them. I want to dedicate this poem to all the Bethel squirrels out there. At least the ones who can read English and have an Internet connection.
I know that Bethel students are a unique breed of college student. But when you start making up your own words and catch phrases, that’s just kind of weird.
The words “bethical” and “unbethical” are used exclusively by Bethel students to describe stuff that stands contrary to Bethel law, or doesn’t mesh with the standard values of Bethel. Both words—bethical and unbethical—are a spinoff of the root word ethical, which is defined as “being in accordance with the rules or standards for right conduct or practice,” according to Dictionary.com.
SBSL has a track record for analyzing a lot of weird phenomena that exist at Bethel College, whether it’s explaining why Bethel students love saving seats in chapel, or why Bethel is so good at sports. But perhaps the most mysterious Bethel phenomenon is the case of the Awkward Bethel Couple.
You see, Bethel students like making fun of awkward couples. They like mocking them, talking about them behind their back, and even creating chastity leagues to stop them. But as much as Bethel students enjoy joking about Awkward Bethel Couples (also known as ABCs), there sure are a lot of them on campus. I would even dare to say that many Bethel students have made fun of them—only to turn around and become one themselves.
Bethel College likes to take pride in the fact that they are the only college in the city of Mishawaka (unless you would count Penn High School, which has nearly twice the enrollment that Bethel has). Unfortunately, Mishawaka’s neighbor, South Bend, is attached to Mishawaka like a Siamese twin, and South Bend is known for being the college town of college towns. Residing in South Bend are colleges and universities such as IUSB, Holy Cross, Saint Mary’s, National College, Ivy Tech, and Brown Mackie, to name a few.
Of course, there is one other university located in South Bend. You’ve probably never heard of it though. It’s just a puny, insignificant school called Notre Dame. What’s that? You have heard of Notre Dame? Well great! Let’s continue…
It’s been awhile now since I’ve done a post about chapel, which is a real shame, because chapel is such an integral part of the Bethel student experience. One thing that often goes unnoticed by Bethel students are the vast amount of choices that exist at chapel. There are so many decisions that you make when you go to chapel that you may not even realize. Let’s analyze the options shall we?
First of all, you have to choose which door to enter. The main entrance has a dozen different doors you can enter through. Although for most students, the choice is simple, because they’ll just follow the line of people ahead of them through the same open door like a herd of mindless cattle.
Ah yes, freshman orientation season is back in full swing at Bethel again. You can smell it in the air. It almost smells like summer camp.
And if you are a Bethel freshman this year, you’ve already endured a trip to Chicago, boring seminars, computer training, and community service. And now the only obvious way to conclude a half-week of orientation is by subjecting yourself to public humiliation.
And cue the Block Skits.
Open Dorms is a magical time of the week at Bethel when dormitories are open to visitation from the opposite sex. Open Dorms happen on Friday, Saturday and Sunday from 6:00pm-midnight, with guys dorms open on Friday, girls dorms open on Saturday, and all dorms open on Sunday. Open Dorms offers the opportunity for co-ed groups to hang out in each other’s dorm rooms and play games, watch movies, and enjoy each other’s company. But Open Dorms is also notorious for attracting couples.
Lots of couples.